THE TRUTH UNTOLD
This story starts a few years ago, during a summer break. It was when I, Alex was faced with one of the biggest revelations of my life- an awakening of sorts.
A FEW YEARS AGO ..…..
It was a normal day of summer break; Mumbai’s summer was sweltering as always; the days were long and boring. I was scrolling through the gram, when I came across a post; a post which made me question my whole life till date.
One question kept popping up in my mind-
“AM I QUEER?”
In that moment, nothing felt the same. Everything became a big, jumbled mess. Several questions kept running through my mind, but I had no one to talk to. My head was muddled with thoughts, that spiralled out of control. The days that followed were a period of confusion, despair, anxiety, self loathing and panic.
I went through a varied degree of emotions. The emotion I felt first and foremost was fear- “ What if others realise that I am Queer?”; “What if I accidentally out myself?”; “ How will the society react?”; “ How will my parents react?”; “Will I be shunned by all?”
The next emotion I felt was anger. As those questions kept running through my mind, I couldn’t help but hate myself and keep on asking myself- “Why couldn’t I be NORMAL?”
What followed anger was hatred and helplessness. When I was down in this dump of self loath and pity, another thought came to my mind-
“ What exactly was NORMAL ?”
NORMAL- A word we may have used countless times ever since we’ve known it, a word that describes our everyday routine, a word that that we used so thoughtlessly that we never really cared about how it may affect others.
But, what exactly is normal?
If we look up the textbook definition, it means typical, ordinary; the usual.
So why do we use these words to describe humans? Whenever we talk about human beings, we speak about them being different. Doesn’t everybody say that each person is unique?
So on what basis has the society classified who’s considered normal and who’s not?
Since birth, this notion of normalcy has been ingrained in our minds, that when we think about deviating away from the norms, we are gripped by the fear of how we will be perceived by the society. We stifle our happiness; our dreams; our hopes to adhere to these norms, never questioning what is right and what is wrong.
All these questions acted as an eye opener.
That’s the moment I realised how stupid I was being. My truth was staring at me right in the face, but I was unable to recognise it.
The last step was acceptance. ‘This is who I am.This is who I am meant to be. Just because I am different from the others, does not mean there’s something wrong with me. I’m just as normal as every other person.’
As soon as I accepted that truth, it felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt a surge of happiness rush through me and felt a sense of freedom that I had never felt before.
That was the summer that I came out to my friends too. I was met with such positive reactions that it made me realise that although slowly, the society was changing and I couldn’t help but be optimistic about my future.
I knew that the road ahead was not going to be an easy one, and I would have to face quite some problems as and when I decided to come out. But, I was ready to face all these hurdles, head on; as this was my truth and I would not change it for anyone, no matter what.