Here I am sitting by the window pane gazing at the alley and trying to get away from the cage of my thoughts. But lately I realise that the more I try to forget the more past fastens its clutches over me.
It’s a well-known quote that “Man is a result of his own decisions” so am I but I am an example of the bad ones. People say that a crazy person is one who does the same thing repeatedly every single day but wants the result to be different. When I hear this, I feel am I going crazy? But still today again here I am sitting by window pane.
The dawn falls and the dusk spreads it’s blanket over the sky and I am still gazing through the glasses. Wait! There’s something in the alley, am I hallucinating or is this for real. Let me just wipe the glass, Oh! Lord that reflection is getting more prominent who’s this? Why does it look familiar to me? Should I walk into the alley?
I gathered all my strength and stepped out in the alley and to my surprise I see nothing around, it’s all mist. Just as I turn around to walk back, I see someone near the lamp post. I walk up there and I am startled to see myself standing in front of me. I am baffled at that very moment. I rushed back to the door and as I turn around the alley is empty again.
That night went in thought that what I saw was it real or have I lost the complete control over my senses. It’s something that I can’t tell and neither let it pass. Days flew and just when I thought that I can get over that incident I again spot my replica one fine evening. But this time I didn’t run past it rather I thought to confront it.
When I reached there, she lends her hand to me and asked me to walk alongside. The whole way that we walked through I was questioning her and she just looked at me and grinned. It started to piss me off and I said to her ‘If you are going to treat me this way I am going to walk away’. Alas she speaks and says ‘Be patient you’ll get all your answers’.
She leads me to a garden full of mist. For a while I lost sight of her and suddenly, she re-emerges. She holds my hand and takes me to a grave. Upon seeing the name engraved on it, the ground beneath my feet swept away. I was mortified to see my name over the grave. I questioned the reflection that why this grave has my name engraved because I am still alive. She grinned and replied “This is the grave of your soul”. I was so numb that I couldn’t utter a word.
She came near me and said that it is me who have built this grave for myself. I was shattered on hearing that. I questioned her how is that even possible. She said that I am carrying an unnecessary guilt in me which slowly poisoned my soul and killed it. She told me that the guilt I have been carrying along with me is just unwanted and that I am squandering the precious gift of life god has given me. I refused to believe that and told her that it was all my fault that lead to my beloved’s death. Taking that turn was my decision and that I am solely responsible for what happened. And I broke into tears.
She sat next to me and asked me to close my eyes and remember the last words of my beloved. I refused to but she insisted on it. I closed my eyes and transported back myself to the last moment I had with my beloved. Upon remembering the moment, I opened my eyes in great pain. The reflection asked me to repeat the last words of my beloved. I hesitated at first but maybe it was meant to happen and I uttered the last word “NEVER JUDGE YOURSELF BY THE LAST BAD DECISION YOU TOOK BECAUSE THAT DOESN’T DEFINE YOU”.
I was in a trans state. The reflection slowly whispered to me “Let out all your pain”. I broke into tears and I started yelling and then finally knelt on the ground with my face submerged in my palms. The reflection caressed me and said that there are things beyond our control but those shouldn’t hamper our lives. Your beloved always wanted to best for you even if in that best he isn’t a part. So now stop blaming yourself for the thing you haven’t done and acquit yourself from all the guilt.
By doing so you’ll unleash your soul from this grave that you have built. I asked who she is and why she did all this and why she resembles me? To that she replied “I am not different from you I am the soul which you entrapped in this grave and I wanted you to free me so that I could unite with you and revive myself”. I smiled and embraced her and thanked her. In a wink of time all the mist faded the reflection merged in me and I saw the pleasant shining sun in the sky.
From all that happened I got to know that there is more to life than repenting over a mistake and it’s a crime to abandon the beauty that life has withheld for us. Accept the things that life brings up to you and love yourself in all times and everything will fall in place because –
“To live is rarest thing in the world. Most people exist that’s all”.