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SCARRED AND SCARED

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Life has this vertiginous yet queerly methodical way of waiting for the right moment to smash
your plans. It is unpredictable. The dreams that are sown in our minds by parents or maybe us
can vanish within a second. Here is a story of a girl who lost her perfect peaceful life, dignity
aspirations, confidence, and finally succumbed to death.
Anna White was a sophisticated young girl of 15 years old. She had delicate features and long
chestnut-colored hair, which she loved dearly; she was tall and stood at 5’10, which makes her
unusual for her age. Her dressing style was prim and proper but the 2 inch long slashed scars on
her cheeks was the only flaw that daunted her. She lived in a safe neighborhood that faced
hardly any problems and was filled with generous and genuine people. Sadly, due to her
mother’s transfer of job made them move to another state. Three months later, after bidding a
painful goodbye to her old friends and dear neighbors, that would change her life.
After they moved and got comfortable and settled in their new haven, Anna was enrolled in a
nearby school. She was excited and a tad bit anxious about how well the town and school folks
will receive her. She touched her thin golden bracelet given by her father on her 10th birthday,
and tears welled up in her eyes by the bittersweet memories of her loving father. He died in an
unfortunate accident when she was just eleven years old.
The awaited first day arrived, and when she was getting ready to school, her eyes caught sight of
her long scarred cheeks and remembered the day she got the wretched scars at the tender age of
five by an aggressive neighbor’s dog. Those were her darkest memories because she nearly died
and the wounds were unfaded since then. She thought of the possibility of being rejected as an
amiable person to the people there. But she shook herself away from the grim thoughts. She ate
an apple, kissed her mother goodbye, and skipped to school happily.
However, when she reached the school, she had an uneasy feeling, and her stomach was doing
somersaults in nervousness. But after she entered the giant gates, her thoughts of uneasiness
became real as all the students from popular (rich, good looking, beautiful, and intelligent) to
nerds were staring her down as though she was a speck of dirt that needs to be disposed of in the
garbage. There was not a single pleasant expression on anyone’s face; instead, they pointed
fingers at her and whispered among themselves. Her throat became dry, she gulped and went
straight to the office to get her schedule and then quietly found her way into the class for her first
period. She sat near a window seat which overlooked the splendid garden of the campus and
smiled, seeing its mesmerizing beauty. She felt as though the flowers of the park were beckoning
her with their scenic beauty.
Her smile pretty soon turned upside down as a luxurious-looking bookbag plopped on her desk
harshly, which startled her and made her gasp in astonishment. When she saw the intruder of her
thoughts, she became intimidated and tried to look confident. Keyword ‘tried’ because the
person who interrupted Anna is the most popular and rich girl in the school. She had an aura of
confidence and smugness. She was gorgeous with auburn hair, fair complexion, and a posture
that makes all girls want to be just like her. Her presence screamed attention. Her clothes and
accessories were branded, and she couldn’t possibly imagine what it must’ve cost. Overall she
looked like she was a queen who ruled this school. She had a bevy of friends just like her, and
they were smirking down at her loving the petrified expression of Anna with great amusement as
though they were watching something fun. The queen bee’s beautiful face was twisted into an
ugly scowl, and she sneered at Anna and told her to ‘get rid of your gorilla scar face out of my
desk.’ This comment made Anna flush with embarrassment, and her face and neck became the
color of a tomato. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her as the stares of her
classmates intensified by the mention of her scars. She silently got up and went to sit on the first
bench while her classmates’ eyes followed her with disgust and some of them even started
hooting and cursing while she walked.
From that day onwards, Anna suffered many rude comments jabbed at her from all the students,
even; even her mother just comforted her and advised that it would get better. Her mother was
ignorant of the anguish and emotional turmoil that went through her mind. She thought about her
dream to attend Harvard University and become a successful businesswoman and grow old
together with her loved ones. But everything seemed like a blur now. She chastised herself for
her dark thoughts and decided to endure the sufferings until graduation.
But fate had another notion. She gave up as the insults hurled at her turned into violent physical
beating episodes. She got a brutal beating in the restroom and passed out. At that moment, she
finally snapped and gave up all her dreams, and the only thing on her mind was to escape from
this hell hole by killing herself. She saw no harm in doing so because all the people wanted her
dead anyway. But the only person who cared for her will be her mother, and she knew that her
mother would be crestfallen by the loss. She dissembled her true feelings from her mother and
decided that death is the only answer. She also knew that her ‘cry for help’ would not be heeded
by others and very well knew that if she ratted her bullies out to authorities, it would get her in
even more deep trouble.
Finally, she left a message on her Instagram account – “I’m just not okay” and soon committed
suicide by choking herself with a belt two days later. The news spread like wildfire, and her
mother was the one who found her only daughter lying on her bed without breathing. Her bullies
were quite shocked, but it bought no changes to their callous behavior. We don’t know whether
the bullies regret their actions but what we know is that her mother is heartbroken and going
through a lot. Her mother may feel guilty as she couldn’t help her daughter through her difficult
situation. She just doesn’t have her loving daughter anymore.
Anna considered suicide as an acceptable solution to her problems and the right thing to do. But
the impact of her death on her mother brought grief, guilt, frustration, anger, and despair. Even
though sacrificing one’s life to uphold their principles is considered courteous, taking one’s own
experience as a way to escape from normal or abnormal problems is a display of cowardice. It
does not change anything rather than affecting our loved ones. She only thought about giving up
and didn’t know about the reason why she was enduring it in the first place. The reason being her
goals, it is not at all excusable.
In our lives, it might seem that there are no solutions to our problems and that we are forever
going to be unhappy, but we should remember that problems are always temporary. Feelings can
change over time; solutions can be found, unexpected festive events can occur. We just have to
give ourselves time to overcome the obstacles. I remember a saying- “suicide is a permanent
solution for a temporary problem.” No matter how overwhelming our problem might be, we just
have to wait and give the necessary time for the emotional distraught to subside. Some of the
finest, talented, most successful people were also thinking of suicide. J.K. Rowling, an author of
the most spectacularly successful “Harry Potter” books, said she suffered from severe depression
and considered suicide when she was struggling as a single mother and a writer in her 20’s. But
the reason for her to avoid suicide was her daughter. So there are always reasons for us to live;
we just have to choose our path wisely.


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