Dear diary, Thave been a Psychotherapist for almost 20 years now, yet this is the most peculiar client i have ever had to this day. Sammera is a 28 year old girl who was born and raised in a foster agency. I met her 4 weeks ago and I’m still stagger about her behavior. The first time i laid my eyes on her, she was so nervous that she looked down the floor, kept rubbing her hands, bitting her lips, and constantly checking my office. I could easily tell that she was an introvert and was too sheepish. Before i could say hi to her she stood up and Begin to walk away. I said, “if you leave now, you’ll never have the courage to come back again”. She stopped walking took a deep breath and turned around and sat on the couch. I asked her ” so tell me, which sauce do you prefer with your fries. Mayonise or red sauce?” She was astonished by the question but still began to answer “I think mayonise bring the esccense.”
‘Absolutely, the fact that it’s not too salty or saucey is amazing’. I replied “And that it’s not like other sauces you know, you can eat it raw and it still tastes amazing” she said in her dusky voice with a little confidence. “Which is your weird yet favourite combination of food?” I questioned “Ohh… that’s tricky i have so many..but one is till date the most exquisite yet weird food..i like my Sandwich with ground layers mayonise and later one layer of white sauce and some veggies and upon that a layer of peanut butter..” she said with a shy smile on her face I busted out laughing “peanut butter?” Come
on. “I know i know but you gotta try it once to know the taste” she simpered. As she was comfortable enough with me i begin to ask her questions about the thing that’s bothering her “So, foodie what’s your problem except the sandwich crisis you have that nobody understands” “well, it’s a long story…you like stories doc?” She questioned. “I like it so very much that i thought to make
a career where people tell me stories” i replied “Hahah okay brace yourself for mine.. it’s something a little what people would say DARK”
I smirked and nodded my head to let her continue her story. “I have always been this introvert kid, never really connected with people. Never have i ever had the confidence to go out and make friends, and upon that I’m broke as hell!!” “Everyone’s broke in this world..if you are just financially broke..you are lucky!” I said She gigled and said “you make a good point” and continued with the story. “I have spent most of my time being alone in the house. But that one day…one damn day i was looking into the mirror and i saw
something strange…like there was something in the mirror. And as i gazed at it longer it felt like there was something in it..i felt pit in my stomach as if like it was trying to say something” What the mirror? I questioned witlessly “Yes doc, i know you won’t believe it..at first i didn’t too and i immediately blacked out. The next thing i could remember was waking
up in bed and i thought maybe i was drunk and that was all just a bad dream!!!
But the same thing happened next night and i was sober…this time i stared directly in the mirror and i found a strange colour spiralling and the parts of the mirror started turning black and i just had this unusual feeling to do something… Do what?..i questioned curiously Do..evil she blubbered. Please continue i added. She began saying” suddenly i had this urge to go out and do something…so i left. I left my room at 2 am and i was at a friend’s party.. nobody expected me there and most of the people didn’t recognise me anyway so i was good. I had a few drinks and…” And what?? | asked “And i saw a purse which had 1,00,000 rupee cash…and i couldn’t think of anything but how great would it be if i had 100k in my pocket..” She started crying..i passed her the tissue and she went on with the story. “When nobody was noticing i stole the money...without guilt, without remorse,
without feeling literally anything. I went home and stood infront of the mirror and i blacked out again!” We both took a 5 second pause after that story. “It’s normal not to feel anything.. it’s a basic tendency of human beings!..we feel so much sometimes that we don’t feel anything at all it’s just like an off button or something i added with a soft voice What happened next?..i questioned her again.”
“The next day i woke up and one of my friend called from the party to say that her friend lost her money and she had saved up that money for her father’s treatment!! She didn’t remember me being there in the party at all! Nobody remembered!! I felt worsee doc, i wanted to return the money, so i got all dressed up and again i stared into the mirror and this time it was because…I wanted to feel that powerful again…I wanted to experience having no guilt or pain…again.. And as i was staring a voice inside told me ‘You have always cared about other people, she atleast has a father to take care of you
don’t!!..do what makes you happy!!’ And there it was again!..my go to stage i went out again..I spent all her money partying and shopping and everything that made me happy!… and i came back home and slept, i slept like a baby..and that somehow was comforting considering i haven’t been able to sleep in a long long time.
My friend called me again the next morning and told me that her friend’s dad was in a coma!!..and that they were contributing money so he could recover..i felt
devastated..i couldn’t stop crying for hours, i kept thinking what if i didn’t spend that money.. would he have been okay??. I felt guilt, pain, angry, frustated, devastated, everything at once. But mostly i was disappointed at myself..so.. “Please don’t tell me you looked into that mirror again!” I stated “I did doc, i took my chair and i smashed that chair!” She answered What??..i questioned This energy, somehow i felt if i didn’t act fast i was gonna again find a shortcut to make me feel okay.
So i smashed that mirror and i left my room and went to bank and took a loan of how much i owed her and gave it to her and told her everything!! She didn’t forgive me..i pray she does soon though. I’m currently working as engineer, a waitress, and I’m babysitting on the weekends. Basically earning money to return that loan. How are you planning on paying me then?..i questioned jokingly.. she cackled with laughter. Well…if you are all well settled..then why did you come to me?..you have all the answers to your questions..i asked curiously. And what she told surprised me, she said “Doc i have used shortcuts my whole life, and just because i won this battle doesn’t mean I’m gonna win war too!! I need help! And I’m gonna be needing help for a long time too and you are gonna help me in that!!”
Thave never seen a client come to me even though they have no current problems. How human brain works still amazes me…she could have just as easily not cared about any of those..but that energy and rage
she felt to smash that magical mirror is something astonishing to me. She knew in her heart the right thing to do even though she was suffering from a mental illness
Speaking of which i have checked her records and i have seen that she is and was perfectly healthy so what was the case of that mirror is still unresolved. But what surprised me was her…her instinct to do good. That mirror and sammera are the two things that i still can’t seem to figure out..