Melody Of Ocean

It has been5yearssinceIstartedlivingonmyowninthisbusycityofTokyo.5yearssinceme
andmybandmemberspartedways.

Ihadbeenavocalistinawell-to-doband.Wewerewellliked,butwelackedcertainqualities
neededtomaintainaband.Sowehadtoseperate.

Lifehasbeenwaytoocrampedsince.Iworkedinajazzbarasabartender.Icouldmixpretty
goodcocktails,butthisisn’tthethingforme.

Ironically,eveninthisbusycity,thefeelingoflonelinesshadbeenloomingovermelikeadark
shadow.Itwasn’tphysicalloneliness.IhadfriendswithwhomIcouldtalkandgooutdrinking.
Butacertainfeelingofsolitudeneverleft.Itwasburieddeepinsidemyheartmakingmefeel
empty.

WhatIdesperatelyneededwasabreak.

Soonemorning,Ipackedmybags,tookwhatsoeverihadearnedandleftmyapartment.
Ibookedacheaphotelonabeachsidelocation.

Theysay,brokenortired,feelthewaves,theoceanhashealingpower.

Maybethat’swhyIchoseocean.Well,whateverthereasonwasIjusthopeditwasworthit.

WhenIreachedthereitwasquitelate.
Iwentuptothereceptiontoaskformyroom.Therethereceptionisttoldmethattheymade
somemistakesandnowIhadtosharearoomwithsomeone.
Well,itwasluckyformeasthatwouldcutthecostandIhadtosaveenoughtolastlong.Ihad
noproblemsharingroomwithastrangeraslongastheyaren’tsomeaxemurderer.There’s
alwaysthatpossibility.

IaskedforadoublebedbecausenowayIwouldsleepwithastrangereveniftheyhadperfect
mentalhealth.

Theyagreedandtoldmetheyhadringedmyroommatetoletthemknow.Apparentlytheyhad
noproblem.

Iwentuptomyroomandenteredtofindawoman,notmorethan24,reading.

Uptillnow,Ihadtotallyignoredthepossibilityofmyroommatebeingawoman.
NotthatIhadanyprobleminsharingroomwithher,aslongassheaintuncomfortable.

Shelookedupatmeandnoddedtellingitwasfineasifshehadreadmymind.

Isighedinreliefandwentuptothewindowtolookout.Theviewinfrontofmewas
mesmerising.Infrontofmelaidtheocean,vastandsofullofpossibilities.Thecoolairhitmy
face,makingmeforgetallmypainforthemoment.

Ismiledlightlytomyselfandturnedaroundtofindhergazingintentlyatmeasiftryingto
memoriseeachandeveryflawsinmyskin.

Shewasfairandfine,butshewaswierdlyoverdressedforthiswarmseason.Shewaswearing
afullsleevedshirtandpants.Eventhoughhershirtwasuntucked,icouldstillseethatshehad
anicefigure.

Moreovershedidn’tlooklikesomeonewhocouldbeanpsychotickiller,whichwasarelief.

Sheslightlytiltedherheadlikeaconfusedpuppyandasked,”Itmightseemstupidbutareyou
byanychanceAkiof’Nostalgia’?”

Iwasshockedbyherquestion.Ineverexpectedanyonetorecognisemeormyband,afterso
manyyearsinthisfarawayland.

Inoddedslightlyandshesmiled.Icouldseeanaffectionatelookinhereyes,asifshehadseen
herlonglostlover.

“Doyoulistentothem?”-Iasked

“Ido.Iloveyourmusic.YourmusicisliterallythereasonIamstillalive.Iwishyouhadn’t
stoppedmakingmusic”shesaidwithasadsmile.

Iwasconfusedbutdidn’taskwhatshemeant.Maybethatwassomewaythefangirlsbehave.I
willneverknow.

Irathersaid”Well,Iamgladmymusiccouldhelp.Ihadtostopduetocircumstances.Butitwas
agoodexperience.”

Shesmilinglynoddedandreturnedtoherbook.

Thentherewasaknockonthedoor.Itwasfordinner.

Iaskedifshewantedtocomebutshedenied.

Iwentdowntothelargehallfullofpeople,collectedtohavedinner.

Afterdinner,Iwentouttothebeach.

Thecoldwindbrushedagainstmyface.Ihadfollowedmyheartanditbroughtmehere,tothe
ocean.SuddenlyIfeltmorealivethanIhadeverbeen.

Iclosedmyeyesandhersmilingfaceappearedbeforeme.Shehadprettyeyes,buttheyseem
tohavelosttheirglint.

Isighedandputheroutofmyhead.

Ispentnextfewdaysonthebeachandroamingaround.Itwasanicechange,buttheloneliness
neverceased.

Ialsogottoknowquitealotabouther.HernamewasAkagiRei.Shestudiedartsandmusicin
universityandhadajob.Shehadsavedquitesomethinganddecidedtotakeatripjustlikeme.
Shewasthequiettype.Shewentdowntodinneronlyafterothersweredone.Iguessedshe
hatedcrowd.Shehardlyeverlefttheroom.

Sheusedtoreadbooksallthetime.Ineverreallyreadmuch,soIhavenoideaaboutthem.I
wonderedifshealwayscarriedthesebooksalong,butneverasked.

Reismiledalot.Butitneverquitereachedhereyes.Itwasamysterioussmile,asifsculptured
toconcealpain.

ShewastotallyengulfedinmysterybutIneverhadaurgetosolveituntillater.

ThatdayIfoundapackofcigerattesanddecidedtosmoke.Ididn’tsmokeveryoften,just
sometimestoreleasestressortodistractmyself.

Reilookupfromherbookattheburningcigaretteinmyhandandflinched.Iguessedshemight

beoneofthosewhohatedcigerattes.Ipuffedafewtimesandthrewthehalfburntcigarette
buttoutofthewindow.

Iturnedtowardsherandwassurprisedtoseehergettingpale.Ienquiredifshewasokay.She
justnoddedandsmiled.

AfewmomentlaterIheardaknock.Ilookedatherandsheshookherhead.Inoddedandleft.

Laterthatnight,Iwokeuptosmallsnifflesintheroom.Ilookedaroundforthesourceofthe
noise.

Bright,silvermoonlightwashedintotheroomthroughthewindow.Akagiwasstandingthere
infrontofit,seeminglyglowing.Shelookedlikedthemaidenoftheskies.

Sheturnedaround,approachedmeandsatonmybed.Hereyeswereglisteningwithtears.

Istraightenedandwasgoingtoaskwhat’swrongwhenshedidtheunthinkable.Sheunbuttoned
hershirtandslidthecollardownexposinghershoulder.Iwasshockedatfirstbutthennoticed
amarkthere.Itwaslikeithadburnt.

“DoyouknowAki-kun,whatisit?It’saburnmark,cigeratteburn.”

Ilookedathereyeswhichwereglisteningwithtears.

Shecontinued,”Twoyearsago,Iwasengagedtothisman.Atfirstitwasfine,butslowlyhe
startedbeingpossessive.Hedidn’tletmetalktoanyonedespitehimbeingwithseveral
partners.Amonghumanemotions,nothingisworsethanjealousyandprideandheseemedto
sufferfromboth.Hewouldcomehomedrunkandbeatme.Iwasweak,Icouldn’tresist.”

“Inthosedarkdays,myonlyconfortwasyourmusic.Theywouldgivemeunexplainablewarmth
andsenseofsecurity.Andmaybeabitofcourage.”

“Andthat’swhathelpedmetoescape.Iranaway.AsfarasIcould,fromhim.Ihadsaved
enough,soItravelled.Itookafewclothesandbooks.Theyweremyonlycompanionsother
thanthemusic.”

Hertranquilgazerenderedmespeechless.Shelookedlikeagoddessinthebrightmoonlight.I
wonderedhowcruelandkindtheworldcanbeatasametime.

Iwasbroughtoutofthetrancewhenshekissedme.AndIkissedherback.Itwaslikeaspell
bindingustogether.IknewIwasdoingtherightthing.

Thatnight,Ihadembracedher.Itwasnotoutofloveorlust,butoutofrespectforhowbrave
shehadbeen.

Ilookedather.Hereyeshadanextraordinaryshine,nolongersadanddull.

“Stay”Imurmured.Shedidn’treply.IheldherclosebutIcouldn’tbeatrest.FinallyIfellasleep
withherinmyarms.

ItwaslateinthemorningwhenIwokeup.Iremembereverythingfromlastnightquitevividly.

Ilookedaroundbutcouldn’tfindher.Iwasn’treallysurprised.Eventhoughasmallpartofmine
wasexpectingshewillstayIknewitwasn’tpossible.

Ididn’ttrytolookforher.IknewIcan’tfindher.Shewasgoneforever.AndIhadtolethergo.

ThateveningItookalongstrollatthebeach,listeningtomyoldmusic.Itwasgood.Ishould
startmakingmusicagain.That’swhatreallysuitsme.

Thesettingsunhadpaintedtheseainshadesofcrimson.Oceanisaneternalbeingwhoisthe
witnessofourtransientprideandego.Thisvastwater,fullofmysteries,laidaheadofus,but
howmuchus,naivehumanswilleverknow?

Shewasliketheocean,mysterious,beautiful,wildandfree.IsuddenlyfelthowIamnotlonely
anymore.Ifeltawarmthinthecornerofmyheart.Shehadleftapartofherwithme.

Ikeptwalking.