Love: The most complicated word


Have you ever been in love? The love that feels like the first drops of rain in the dry, empty land of your heart. The love that makes you believe in euphoric concepts. Have you? Well, I have. Now, have you seen that love walk away? Far, so far that they look like a tiny speck in your mind’s map? After which the numbness that dawns upon you leaves you in such ignorance to your own feelings that you fall far down the pit of hopelessness? You want to crawl out of the dark, make a beautiful future, start believing again but the shadows of your past never seem to leave you? Every turn you take while walking down the street, the ghost of your past seems to pay you a visit, every time? If you have ever had the feeling, you know what I am talking about. You see, I have loved but in the wrong generation and so have you. I have seen my parents being in a relationship for 6 years and then living happily married for 23 years now, and you know I really wanted the same for myself. I almost got close to believing in forever, but I think the universe didn’t want me to. It’s been 5 years now that I have lost the love of my life to this generation’s foolhardiness.  And now as I sit tapping along on my laptop, it dawned upon me that I don’t think even genius minds like that of Sheldon Cooper could interpret the word love. Could you?  Much unlike some people infamously known as hypocrites, I know my  worth and I am not the kind one would associate with the highbrow species; instead, I would like to think of myself as Joey. But alas! I believe he was at least a doctor in “Days of our Lives”; I can’t even beat that. Anyway, so, I couldn’t decode this clinical condition in which a person’s increased dopamine level create a feeling of rhapsodies while adrenaline and nor-epinephrine are responsible for the pitter-patter of heart, or, as a conman would say “the surge of feeling one has when they fall in love.” After giving it some thought, I have come to the conclusion that it is the hardest word to define. Because it’s sad that every night I close my eyes, I have to remind myself of the things I have to forget and I didn’t want to feel sad any more, so the said pursuit to understand what is love. You can definitely agree to disagree with me but can you for sure make me comprehend the term. If so then, what is love? A person who is quite the opposite of a sedulous and maybe even possess a tinge of nonchalance would probably say “Google it”. Well, I did.  The Google dictionary made it clear when it displayed its meaning to be “a strong sense of affection.” That made me laugh a bit, or, as we would say “ROFL”. That’s because studies say affection is, well, merely temporary. Thus, just like we used to constantly replace x’s and y’s with numbers in our mathematics answer paper to derive an answer, if at all, I have come to know that love is a strong temporary feeling that we replace from time to time in order to find the correct answer, again, if at all. Another thing common between the two of them is I am not good at either. Anyway, if it has such a hippie-like behaviour why does it have a permanent address in people’s minds and hearts? What audacity! People move out of their houses after a certain age, but how come this one guy, though no more in the house still shares the most part of my beautiful memory. They say time cures everything. What we often forget is that we promised ourselves never to expect, so aren’t we expecting a bit too much from just an illusion such as time? Well, some people have understood the derived meaning and for them love is nothing but one night stands, hook-ups, rebounds and all those other frequently used words under this umbrella. Sometimes, I think that’s the better version of love. Don’t you? Absolutely no strings attached, so no heartbreaks and no pills for depression. Then again, I wonder, why do these people search for a constant/stable when they reach home? A caring soul? A cup of coffee in the morning or a walk down the beach, holding hands? Some say love is what your parents give, well then, why are their parents who neglect their children? Few erudite people say we will find love in time and there is always a perfect one waiting for us; then why do the same people set countless limits and boundaries when it comes to choosing whom we love, when to love, how to love, all according to their own time clock? Which, therefore, brings me back to my original question; what is love? I am not convinced but rather confused by the different types of love I come across everyday. Where are the guidelines? In which part of the world do they teach how to love, what to do and what not to do? I know, Romeo and Juliet was just an exception and not the rule, so teach me how to get out of such Shakespearean concepts. So, if you have cupid’s number ask him to call me, I have a bank full of questions for him. For “If thou must love me, let it be for nought/ Except for love’s sake only” sounds good in prose and poetries. It’s not so simple, this…Love.

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