What it may seem may never hear, and vice versa just like in a jungle. I always thought so much that nothing else is there other than a straight line running continuously, it breaks its voyage only when some unexpected happens. Have you ever heard Lucas King’s Dark music, it isn’t depressing but soothing; for me at least, not much dark as in we think… ohhhkeeee let’s not make it personal. Have you ever stood in a line or in a bank or any place other than home where they are so much crowded? I don’t know what people think or do But when I observe them patiently as if some kind of energy is being emitted from their body language and their faces are resisting it completely. It feels like when you hold sand in your hands tightly, it slips from many crevices–those crevices are also spread throughout our body–invisibly. That hard, powerful, desired emotion slips and we never know. I see every man in a struggling and helpless situation. They don’t know what to do or what can be done. Just because of small things in life, just because of that irritating pain in your head. It is so devastating to see those experienced eyes gone forever. Your fathers’ fighting the inclination to teach you survival while surviving: people say that’s life. If you ever heard about Charles Bukowski, his gravestone said “Don’t Try”, it may be a negative thing many positive critics would be saying… right now, But what else a helpless person can do for a leaving. A person tries to pursue Passion, and on the other hand, they try to disagree with situations.
So I was standing in a bank today, like every other person with some distance that wasn’t defined. It was government’s so, the files were given much more time to get dust on them. My turn came, and they told me to get a Photo state of the documents. I came out with a mask on my face and rugged documents searching for a Stationary shop. I saw a medical shop which had a Photo state machine too. Its owner was an old man helped by his son with spectacles. The old man’s voice wasn’t clear enough and was arched. His body language gave a brief knowledge about his past life and relation with his son. I have great respect for those who are old and wicked; whatever great stories about their life are, is the most inspiring one too. The old man is retired and nearly bald with some silver on his hair. His overgrown ear-hairs were trimmed a week ago… his son, on the other hand, was his enemy-of-a-kind person. Son looked more of a failure who blames his father for the whole thing. His father asked him about the pages for photo stating–son ignored– his trembled voice was ignored the second time. An old man’s friend was sitting just next to the counter, knew about these one-way conversations before. His sympathy for his friend was not much appreciated either. That ignorance that should be invisible for me was yelling like a deep cry. The habit of ignorance is the virtue for that pain behind the neck. And that old man was fighting that impulse for years now.
A father is the one who’s life is a disaster, teaching and feeding those who will not even ask them later. Father asked him again that has he brought those photocopy pages, and he ignored once repeatedly. His father had those pages already kept, he bowed down and took them out from the cabinet under the counter. The most annoying thing is that silent war of thoughts and opinions that don’t match now. Those who don’t have a father; they always crave for them and those who have one, crave for their approval of choices. That ignorance hit me hard today, just how a son is frustrated by his father because their opinion doesn’t match. A catastrophic activity was exploding in their minds, and so was I, unexpectedly, what were their need and greed. These small moments make a huge difference in other peoples mind. As a son, you feel helpless in many situations, and as a father, you recognise you’re overrated from time to time. That old rotting clinched figure is waiting to die and that young egoistic figure waiting for him to die. What is that feeling which started this conflict and never ended earlier… yes it was passed on.
I walked back to the bank, and my phone buzzed… my father was calling,… I hung up the call.