Dear 45 year old self


Imagine you are walking across an alien landscape where nothing is
familiar. You spot no landmarks ; see no recognizable faces-even the
sounds you hear are completely foreign. Alone, confused, and
frustrated, you sink to ground and stare at the confusing panorama ,
unsure of what to do next. So do I’m, “Allie Mathew”- an Alzheimer
patient. Sometimes it really socks very badly. But thanks to Danny. He
made it bit easy for me to carry out my daily chores and handle my
violent mood swings. The thing is, he gets peace of mind when I’m well
taken care of: when I’m happy , he is happy. He always enter into my
world to make my life manageable. We wake up every morning with a
smile and we look forward to what the new day will bring. But still my
brain always booked with “when will things get better?”. I live with
Alzheimer days in and out. I and Denny always cook up stories from
nowhere and start to weave out many plots. Denny tries his level best
and truly his faith works to recollect the forgotten portions of my life. The
seller is only place to my past. I often visit it twice a day. Sometimes
yesterday seems completely blur. However, seller makes me recognize
few of the faces and make my unfamiliar world bit familiar. So, here I am
again wandering in the tiny room in search of my past many slam books,
albums, paintings and wall full of achievements and awards. Look I
found few scribbled papers in my old briefcase. But alas! I can’t read
them now since Denny has been calling me for dinner “You expertise
making delicious Denny” I complimented. Denny blushed unless to his
room I to came to my room and sat with those yellow colored papers.
Those yellow papers, better to call them my past, read:
Dear 45 year old self
Today, on 30th December 1929, gossiping about you with my friends. How you
have been doing since its been long time? I hope you are settled somewhere
near the coastline or may be on the summit of highland. Over there, you must
be on your rocking chair with some of the best sellers piled up just next to you.
English literature resides in your heart. You would have completed your higher
studies in English literature from Stanford University which seems to be your
dream. Infant, by now you must have given many beautiful works to the
people. I wish I could read them
I am wondering how you must be looking at 45. Children around you must be
addressing you as “Aunt”. And are these painful acne trouble you now also?

The scar on your right eye must have become invisible . Anyways, you might be
looking beautiful but definitely bit lesser than me.
Yeah! What about your sketches? You love to sketch the world out.
“Drawing is the only thing I’ve found in which I can lose myself completely. I
love it. It started as something that relaxed me”- you always replied to all those
crooks who took sketching as waste of time , colours, etc. Still remember days
of yours skipping meals just for your lovely canvas. That starry night which is
much closer to a perfect meteorite sky. Hoping that till now your room must be
filled with your astonishing colours.
“So how can we be practical in love?”- yours most answered question. In your
younger days you used to be at distance with these senseless world. Your
double quotes were-” For me, Love is the most secure feeling. Love us having a
companion , best friend ,lover , partner, cheer leader, advisor and cuddle
buddies through every avenue in the journey of life which todays young lovers
won’t get.” However, now you must be having a partner with whom you could
travel to moon and back. But truly there was something eternal with one of
your classmate better I call him as your best buddy. I guess this much is enough
for you to take you to ‘Denny- our personal psychiatrist’.
Okay! Okay! Let me portray Denny. He was the person with whom you get
along quite well. You were best friends those days. One thing the fights
between you and Denny used to be the most famous one in our school. He
wanted to become psychiatrist, so you made “psycho” – his name. Gradually,
you guys turned out into true soul mates even without realizing. Moreover, you
both have fallen for each other but never confronted. On your 15th birthday,
Denny surprised you with the beautiful sonnet. It would be better if I call it
“way of presenting love”.
It was SONNET 18:

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;

And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
And from then, it became every morning greeting for both of you.
And hers Wishing you the very best for all the ventures that life has in
store for you. One thing more, we will experience all the future ventures
Keep visiting Pennsylvania
Your well wishes
16 year old self

I am totally awestruck at this moment.
I spent half of my Alzheimer days with my better half without being aware
of it.
Alas! Alzheimer patients have less days. I may smile for two or three days
The first rays of sunlight lit up my room. The dawn chorus of melodic
birdsong drifted in.
And I set up my chords for

“ Shall I compare thee to a summers day
Thou art more lovely and more temperate………….”

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3 thoughts on “Dear 45 year old self

  1. This is really amazing…enough to keep the reader’s eyes on the screen..well done dear.

  2. Fabulous story…. The story is as amazing as the writer of this story….lots of love ✨✨