Its Still 7’o clock….oh God…. is this clock even working properly? I grabbed my phone to check it again. 7:02 am Saturday, July 9th 2016 it shows.
Why is this time moving so slow today? It’s Not like I’m excited, nervous or something. Or maybe I was?, Okay!.. I guess just a little.
I didn’t sleep for the whole night, I was up thinking about how big this morning is for me, I’m going to meet him for the first. I haven’t met him in my lifetime. It is certainly a big day for me. And I wish that everything goes perfectly.
Just then savitha entered.
Madam….. Here’s your coffee. May I know what would you like to have for breakfast??? Savitha asked.
Nothing. I’m not hungry at all.
“But madam you have to take your pills, please eat something”. Savita insisted.
Pills…… Yes, I’m on pills. I swallow pills to keep me alive. I’m bipolar and I can’t skip them. This disease has crippled my mind and soul completely each passing day feels like a step closer to death.
Haaa…. savitha “Did you pressed the saree which I mentioned last night?.
Yes madam it’s neatly done.
Good!.. Bring that to my room and please go check if the seating area in the garden is prepared well.
I just hope everything goes well today. I’m getting so nervous already. I looked at my wristwatch again.
An hour passed.
Savithaa……. Savita……. Please come here.
she enters hurriedly, yes madam….!!! What happened.
Savita, …..What do you feel about this saree? I mean do I look okay?? Do I look fat? Is it too bright? Do I appear like a red bus? You know, I just don’t want to look like an idiot at our first meeting.
She replied with a gentle smile, No madam. You are completely fine with the saree. Red suits you.
“Hey… red suits you so well, you should wear this colour more often”. That’s what he said and I used to get pink blushing in shyness.
I looked at savitha and smiled unconsciously. I guess she is might be wondering what went wrong with this old lady, at the age of 65 she is playing dress up games and blushing like a teenager.
Savita is with me for almost three decades now. I vividly remember that night when I first saw her. It was pouring heavy and she was hiding near the bus stop. She put a plastic bag to cover her head and sat near the bench shivering in coldness. I wanted to help her and offered to ride home in my car. She started crying and said, ” I have no home. My husband left me on the streets”. I bought her for my place and from that day onwards she became my family. It was not easy for her to come out of an abusive past but I’m glad that she did it.
Just then I heard the clock striking 10’o clock. my heart started thumping. I had mixed feelings, I was happy, I was excited, tensed, curious all at the same. In short, I was indescribable.
I have decorated my salt and pepper hair with the most beautiful flower and gave a final look at myself in the mirror.
I sat down in the garden area and waited for his arrival. I checked my phone but it had no notifications. As time passed, I got very anxious, I began to think if Should I call him and ask if he coming here or not? But Won’t that odd? Or Did he just forgot about today??. Or maybe he does not want to come to see me? Or maybe something else.
No… no, I guess I’m just over-thinking. he might be on his way. Just calm down and don’t lose your hopes, I assured myself.
While sipping water, I was drawn in deep thoughts, Will he recognise my old wrinkled face?. I mean everything is changed now, What should I talk to him about? Shall I ask him about his family and work? health or sports? Shall I tell him my travel dairies? Oh no! What if he gets bored? And most importantly what would I address him as?
Baby… ha-ha-ha aren’t we too old for this. How does he look now? I always saw him in formal attire with those big round spectacles, bushy hair and a big dialled wristwatch. Even though we never met, he often shared pictures through telegram.
He was my first love and the last one indeed.
I met him, in my early twenties. I don’t even know when and why did I fall for him. I was smitten in love, I never knew that I can love a person so selflessly. It was the best phase of my life. We laughed, we fought, we argued, we sang along, he was my rock bottom. I felt like the world’s happiest girl by his side. I never wanted anybody to take his place.
All these years I kept travelling to new places, meeting new people and writing beautiful stories. I was lonely and my frequent anxiety attacks made the case even worse. I never looked for a partner because I knew I can’t love somebody as much as him. I had no one to wipe tears, I hid my scars and turned into a cold-hearted person. I don’t catch feeling anymore. But today was different, I was drawn in emotions.
Just then a notification popped on the phone screen. 1 new message received it showed.
My heart fluttered I opened it immediately
Damn!. …. These promotional messages. I was so annoyed.
I checked the time it already 10:40, he is late. What is taking him so long? I have sent him clear directions also. Did he forgot about today, I mean how could he??..
I sat there quietly with my eyes set on the entrance gate every passing minute was creating a hurricane in my heart.
Pills affect started showing off. I got drowsy and snoozed in no time.
suddenly I was disturbed by a familiar voice., I did not wake up completely, my eyes were still closed but I kept wondering who could that be? I heard savitha speaking to someone and that someone was walking in my direction. The sound of his footsteps was getting deeper and louder. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a person in greyish shades seated opposite me. I rubbed my eyes further and the vision got clear.
Oh my god!…. a chill trailed up my spine. It’s him!!!!!….
I was astonished and my sleep was completely gone. He finally made it. I still can’t believe it’s happening. He is here, right in front of me. I couldn’t get my eyes off him and all those memories started spinning in my head. my heart was beating out of my chest.
He looked exactly like the image I made up of him in my head. He wore a neatly pressed white collared shirt with black pants and a pair of nicely polished shoes. His classic oval-shaped spectacles and the shiny silver coloured wristwatch made him look very Sophisticated. He hasn’t changed at all. Except for that bushy hair that has lost its melanin and turned grey. His wrinkled face was still charming.
I remember standing at the telephone booth waiting for his call, just hearing his voice would lit up my face. I used to tell him my stories and he would listen to them patiently. I shared all my dreams and pain with him. We were so much in love that we already planned our future together. We wanted to make a home away from the city and together grow vegetables, fruits in our big backyard. We were so young and naive back then, look at us now leading two completely different lives.
Interrupting my thoughts there comes savitha.
Madam….. Please take the coffee.
While placing the cups on the table savitha looked at me and smiled.
He loves coffee. On our very first conversation, he told me that he will surely learn to make coffee and surprise his lady love. Aawwwww….. isn’t that cute!. I love coffee too and he is my reason. I wondered after all these years, had he mastered making coffee?.
He finished his coffee and pulled out a hankie from his pocket to wipe his lips. It had embroidery of a tiny sailing boat on its corner. I assumed, probably his spouse has done that. He must be leading a very happy family life. Exactly like the one I always prayed for him.
He did not utter a single word, neither did I. I was all numb there. I could not restrain myself from his charm. Nothing in this world can make me happier than seeing him smile.
At that moment, I felt hours passing like minutes.
His phone rang, Home❤wife…….flashed on his screen. He looked at me and got up from his seat to answer.
I got so uncomfortable. He has a family, that is his reality and……I am just a faded memory.
When he returned, he said, “I have to leave”. I agreed quickly with a slight nod. We both got up and started stepping towards the gate. While walking next to him I recollected a memory of him telling me, “I want to hold our hands and walk through the miles of life”. Maybe our journey was never written. I can never hold his hand, he is someone else’s property now.
we reached the gate, and he walked to his car. I stood there catching the last glimpse of him. I don’t know if I will ever get to see him again. For a second I prayed to never end this moment. Probably this might be our first and the last meet.
Suddenly he turned around and flashed a smile at me. It was magical. I still love him. In no time he left the place. Surprisingly I was happy even at his departure I went straight back to my room, splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror.
This time I didn’t see any wrinkles on my face, my dry lips and scaly skin were all gone. my eyes tinkled even with deep dark circles underneath. My fizzy ash-coloured curly hair appeared silky black. I saw a twenty-year-old in the mirror. she was smiling with pink blush on the cheeks, her face was glowing with radiance, with brightly shining eyes.
She twirled her curly long hair every then and now. She was young and blissful. That girl in the mirror was me. I was looking at my younger self.
For the first time, I was not anxious to sleep alone. That night was so peaceful. I slept like a baby
Madam… Please wake up, it’s too late already and you have to take your medicines. Called savitha while knocking on the door.
The door was not locked from the inside, so savitha went in and repeated the same in a low tone.
But there was no response in return.
Madam, please wake up.
Savita got frightened, she slowly held her hand and sat down on the floor. Tears started rolling down her cheeks. Madam wake up, please……… Savitha cried.
The old lady was cold as ice, there was no pulse and her breath was already ceased.
That day was the last day of her life.