I got a message this morning that a temple from 1000BC has been found. My senior has sent me an email asking me to join him at the excavation place as old temples have always been my one true passion. I told Ravi that I need to pack for my travel. Ravi: ‘so when are you going to come back?’ Me: ‘you know how these things work and that is why I made it clear that our relation is of no strings in the first place.’ Ravi: ‘Amy, I know that you don’t like to be in a committed relationship but I really love you. Let’s get married and I do really promise you that I’ll support your career as Archaeologist’. Me: ‘Ravi, our time together has been great but I don’t believe in marriage and if you think that this is because of my career then you are wrong. It’s just I don’t like to be tied down’. At this point I have finished packing and we both knew that our relation has finished too. While walking out of the door I turned back to Ravi saying, ‘You can email me when you have moved out of my place and make sure the keys have been passed to the watchman as the maid needs to clean the house regularly.’ With that I walked out of my house and Ravi’s life without turning back even though I knew Ravi was waiting behind me to look back.
After travelling for 36 hours and what seemed like a life time I have reached to the excavation site. The site is located in an island and all the necessities for the crew here are sent from the nearby town by a boat. I have been to many old temples but this place I am looking now has been the oldest so far in my 10-year career. I have looked around the site for the first week before I started my work. The temple has so many caves and few caves are marked with paintings and some writings which seems to be the language at that time. Wearing my Khakis, I started my work at the site. Few days later we found the sculpture of what looks like a deity of that temple. Every night I take notes in my journal listing the findings of that day and the progress we made. That day we found a few tools that are so small like pendants. I was trying to make a guess whether they are used as accessories and if so, who do they belong to? Man or woman. While I was in deep thoughts my senior walked into my tent with a whistle startling me. He said, ‘I gave you enough notice that I am walking in, you can hear my whistle from a mile in this silence’. I laughed and said, ‘still it will be nice if you could call out my name. what if I am not dressed appropriately?’ He said, ‘nothing I haven’t seen before’ with a wink. I rolled my eyes saying, ‘We know each other for so long that there has been a time where we both were deprived for some physical contact. And we both know that it’s a one time thing. So, it will be great if you stop rubbing that on my face’. He laughed and said, ‘ok, I have come here to tell you that I found a new tunnel below that high point in the temple. As you get really excited with those stuff, I want to let you know if you want to take over that before I hand it over to someone else.’ Me: ‘are you kidding me? Of course, I’ll take over that area.’ He said, ‘but you already got heaps of work’ Me: ‘So what… it’s not like I came here to play. I would love to take care of that tunnel so please leave it to me. No more discussion on this.’ He said, ‘suit yourself’ and walked out of the tent with a smile.
The next day I went to the high point following the markings given to me to find the new tunnel. I didn’t ask anyone to join me as I look into the site by myself in the first place before bringing in the crew and the team. It brings me a tiny bit of satisfaction to be there alone and first to enjoy what the history offers. Once I am at the tunnel, I tied myself with a rope and the other end to the bar outside the tunnel to come back if I am lost. I got my head spot light on and started walking into the tunnel. Unlike other tunnels this tunnel seems to be intact and the passage has been pretty much clear. I touched the walls and was quite surprised with the temperature on the walls. Usually the temperature in the tunnels are pretty cold but the temperature on these walls are moderately warm and feels good. After walking in for quite awhile the rope has been finished. I don’t know what crawled into my mind, I untied myself from the rope and started walking in promising myself that I will only take more 10 steps before going back. But as I took few more steps, I saw few paintings on the wall. I just want to notice the paintings that look like some sort of animals and while I followed the paintings, I started seeing a light.
While following the light I could see that paintings on the wall consist of some colours not sure of the material used to make those. After walking for some time, I could see the light getting brighter and an opening on the other side. I was happy to find that the tunnel has another opening and started walking towards it. I came outside the tunnel hoping to find the usual sand around the excavation site but I am surprised to see trees around the cave. I thought maybe I have come to some other side of the island and started taking few more steps to ease my excitement. After walking for 5-10 minutes I have come across to the normal land with no trees but it looked like the trees has been cut down here to make a way or something. I thought its better to go back now before I get lost. When I turned around to go back, I got startled and fell down as I looked into the most ferocious red eyes I have ever seen. I panicked with fear when I saw people gathering around me. I started crawling backwards with fear and I am not sure if I am seeing things for real or not.
The person I saw didn’t come after me when I was still trying to catch my breath. After few minutes, he started walking towards me and with the same panicking voice I shouted hysterically, ’Don’t kill me’. He didn’t quite understand what I mean but he slowed down. He came to me very slowly like a father approaching his kid. I got my hands on my face trying to block him. He sat down to my level and started looking at me curiously. It took me more than 10 seconds to open my eyes and look at him again. I started blinking my eyes rapidly and it looked like he was doing the same. He was dressed like tribal’s as in native American style. He got nothing on his upper body except some jewels and his lower body is covered by some animal skin. He started looking at me and my clothes more curiously. He asked me, ‘where did you come from?’. I noticed that he is speaking English but his accent and the words he spoke are so thick for me to understand what he just asked. He understood the confusion on my face and repeated his question again. I pointed him towards the direction I came from. He nodded his head and asked me if I am lost. I couldn’t answer him and started to dig my cell phone and radio out. He moved backwards and pointed a stick kind of thing towards me. I realised that he thinks that I am taking out a weapon or something. I told him, ‘No.. No.. I am just trying to communicate with my team to let them know I am lost’. He still couldn’t understand what I mean and approached me like a light taking away my phone and radio from me. He told me something but I didn’t quite understand what he meant. He told his team something who looked exactly similar to him. I just kept looking at them changing directions as I still can’t understand what they were talking. I could pick some words like clothes, pick, mad. While I am still trying to figure out what the hell they were talking about. The guys came to me and one of the guys in the group picked me up as if I am a rice sack. I shouted and struggled but gave up eventually as I realised, I can’t make a difference to what’s happening here.
They walked for a while and then I started seeing a village. While they were walking in holding me, I saw children playing around looking at me as if they are seeing a new animal. The houses looked like as if I have entered into some archaeological model site where we build replicas of old-style homes to explain people how life’s were in the history. I saw few men and women who were dressed exactly like the men carrying me, all looking at me like a crazy thing. I was carried into a home and that’s when they dropped me off. It took me few seconds to gain the balance for me to stand still. They pointed me to a wooden chair opposite to a table, when one of the men ordered other men something which I clearly have no idea. I know that they are talking English but the accent is really thick for me to understand anything. They pointed me to the chair again and I understood that they are asking me to take a seat. All of the men around me look like they are over 6 feet. I sat on the chair and started rethinking everything that happened from an hour ago. I looked into the watch on my hand and its been exactly 6 hours since I entered into the tunnel. Various ideas crept into my mind but the only thought I declared as reasonable is that I may have come to the other side of the island where the tribes still exist.
While I am still lost in my thoughts a group of people walked into the room. I saw a man leading the group 2 steps ahead walking towards me. I simply forgot where I was for a second and took a moment to admire the handsomeness of the person walking in. He was simply breath taking with that dark coloured skin tone and I suddenly realised to wipe out the drool from my chin. He walked towards me and sat opposite to me of the table. He then waved to the people behind me, they bought in few baskets and placed it on the table. The person who sat before me said, ‘pick something’. Unlike the other people I met here I was able to understand his words. I looked on to the table again, there are baskets of fruits, some cured meat and few vegetables along side few knifes on the rare end of the table. The person who spoke before repeated the words again and this time more slowly. I looked up and back to the table. Uncertainly I extended my hand and took the biggest knife on the table. The handsome guy started laughing and eventually everyone around me joined him. He said, ‘Hurit, I said to pick something to eat. Did you really think that you can kill us with your slender hands.’ Me: ‘My name is Amy and I am not sure what’s going on here. But I came to the island with my team to work on a temple. I am lost and I need my cell phone back for me to contact my team.’ Everyone around me were looking with a confused expression including the person who is sitting in front of me. I gave them few minutes to process what I said. The guy in front of me spoke, ‘I am Adriel, leader of the tribe. I understood that your name is Amy but nothing else Hurit’.
I sighed and sat back to the chair not sure what to do now. I realised I need to take this slow. So, I started again, ‘My belongings are with him. (pointing to the guy who took my stuff before). I need them to contact my people’. Adriel waved to the guy I pointed and all my stuff were placed on the table. Everyone around me started being more cautious as if my radio and phone are some sort of weapons. I took my phone and found no signal. I tried the radio and I can’t even hear the buzz sound. I placed my head between hands trying to control my tears. Adriel spoke again, ‘where are you from? North? South? Are you sent here for some sort of help?’ Again, it took me awhile to understand, ‘I came out from the tunnel where your guys picked me up. I need to go back there for me to go back to my place’. And this time I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. Adriel walked towards me, ‘You need good rest.’ And to his guys, ‘Tell Abey to arrange a bath for her and allow her to rest for today. We will talk tomorrow’ and like that he left the room. After few minutes a very young lady came in and signalled me to follow her. I got up took my belongings and followed her. While we are walking on the road, I could sense many curious eyes on me even when my head is attached to the ground. She took me inside a house and once I am in, I could smell sweet scents that could possibly be from flowers. After stepping into a room, there is an empty wooden tub which could fit a single person but by sitting in it. The girl whom I followed pointed to a wooden bench to sit. She then went out and returned with a tray in her hand. Some women who’s following her are filling the tub with water and Abey left some herbs from the tray in the tub. Abey came to me and signalled me to remove my clothes. My hands are still trembling with fear but I am scared that if I don’t follow them, I might be executed. So, I did as she told. She again signalled me to step into the tub. Once I am in, the warm temperature of the water started to ease my nerves and the smell from whatever herbs they used soothed my mind. I know I might be in danger and may be these herbs could kill me but when Abey started massaging my head I decided to enjoy this blissful moment and closed my eyes.
After bath, I was given clothes similar to the kind they are wearing which I am pretty sure are made from animal hides. I wondered if people like them still exist. Once I am back, I planned myself to write a thesis based on the life here. I was taken to a different house and was offered food similar to the ones on the table before with milk. I ate well and my eye lids started getting heavy. Abey showed me another room in the same house where there is a bed made. Bed means I am not sure what’s underneath but it was covered by the similar material of what I am wearing. Before I knew, sleep carried me away.
I don’t know how long I slept but I could hear muffled voices by the time I opened my eyes. I didn’t know where I was for a second and the clothes I was wearing. All the memories hit me instantly and I looked around to see where the muffled voices were coming through. I heard women talking outside the room, ‘How could someone be so beautiful? Her hands look so thin’. I walked out of the room and suddenly everyone went quiet. I looked into the watch before coming out and realised its 10AM. I have slept for 16 hours. Once I came out Abey came to me and smiled. I said very slowly, ‘can I meet the person I met yesterday.’ Abey nodded her head but guided me to the same house I took bath yesterday and offered me some powder and water. I thought it might be for my teeth and used it. Abey then guided me to the same house I slept and offered me some fruits and milk. I ate quietly as I know I’ll be only taken to him once all the formalities have been finished. Then I am guided back to the house I met him yesterday. He is already there sitting in the same chair as yesterday talking to the people around. Once I stepped in everyone stepped back giving me space to walk to the chair.
Once I sat he said, ‘did you sleep well Hurit?’ I don’t know what the hell hurit meant but I realised this is not the time to think about it. I just nodded and said, ‘I need to go back, my people will be worried for me.’ He just nodded and got up from his seat. He said to the guy who picked me yesterday to lead the way to take me back. I didn’t think it would be this easy but I did a happy dance for myself and followed him. Once we reached the place where I met this people for the first time, I got confused with the direction I walked in here. I tried all the directions possible and the people who came with me waited patiently. Every time I went in the new direction, I thought this is it but came back to the same place again as I couldn’t find the tunnel. After trying for several hours, I sat on my knees and broke into tears.
Adriel came to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up to him and said, ‘I am lost’. He just nodded and patted my head sympathetically. He allowed me to take my time to gather my thoughts and then said,’ we should head back before night creeps in’. I got up and followed him back to the village. I was taken to the same place after bath from the night before. Unlike yesterday I couldn’t sleep and tears welled up thinking of being struck at an unknown place. I have never felt so lonely and what if I can’t go back again. I decided not to give up as I am not a weakling. With that determination I tried for 7 days but no luck. During this time, I never saw Adriel but his people always accompanied me when I went to find the tunnel. People around here have been very welcoming and started to talk few words with me. There are few words which I can’t understand but they tried to explain it through signs until I understood. Abey has been my close companion during this week and helped me with my daily necessities.
After a week, while I was lost in deep thoughts Adriel walked into the room. I was startled by his sudden arrival but stood up. He stood there for few minutes before he started saying, ‘I know its hard for you to leave your kin but you have tried hard to search for the way and I heard it isn’t fruitful. We have decided to accept you as one of ours as we believe you aren’t a threat to us. If you have decided to be one of us then you can join Abey in our daily household works. As you see we all are one family and I am their leader.’ After he spoke this he looked into my eyes. I just stood there without letting out a word. He stood there for a few more minutes and said ‘if you are not interested then you are welcome to stay as our guest for as long as you like’ saying that he left the room.
The next day I told Abey that I would want to be part of the work and joined her at the fields. Their farming is completely different than what I have seen. Being worked in sites physical work was pretty easy for me. Days went by and I have stopped counting. I worked in fields, learnt cooking, learnt to make fire and also wood chopping. I miss my old days and still go back once in a while to find the tunnel. Eventually I got popular among the women here as I taught them how to make lipstick from roses and perfume from lavender. And popular with men as I give them advises on their love life. Guess what? place and times may have changed but the problems within love has always been the same. As time flew I got to know that the year and time calculated here was different and even though I don’t want to accept it I believe I have come to the past and roughly according to our time line I am in 1500 BC as per the calculations I learnt during my archaeology degree. I have had my fair share of surprises here so learning this didn’t surprise me. I just accepted the fact that I might not go back and telling this to anyone here will only make me look weirder.
Dinner time here is the best as people gather around the fire singing songs while women make food and all of them eat together. That is the only time I see Adriel. After that day in the room we never spoke again. I could say that he is quite an eye candy. Looking at him at the dinner can make me forget all of the wars I have in my mind. When we cross paths during dinner he smile at me just like how he does to every other member from the tribe. I met Adriel’s mother and grand mother after a week I came here and just like everyone around here they thought I belong to other tribe and got lost while hunting. I should say that they are quite a beautiful woman and that might be how Adriel got his beautiful genes.
That night when I was sitting at the fire, I saw Adriel walking in and as usual my eyes were glued to his face. But unlike every other day where he is oblivious about me, today he made an eye contact with me. I was taken back at this sudden gesture and changed my attention to the fire. Even when I am looking at the fire, I still could sense Adriel’s movements. He walked towards me and sat beside me. He waited for few seconds before saying, ‘How are you Hurit?’. Me: ‘I have been meaning to ask you but what does Hurit mean?’ He laughed and said, ‘it means beautiful.’ I blushed at his words. Adriel: ‘what’s that colour on your face Hurit? Are you feeling hot due to fire?’. Saying that he traced his fingers on my cheeks. I got startled with his touch and moved back. He smiled again and said, ‘Do you want to take a walk?’. I nodded, he stood up and offered his hand. I got up taking his hand and we walked side by side quietly. And these walks continued for days to the extent where we now discuss how each other days went. Sometimes we walk by the shore of a near by lake watching the moon and sometimes we just walk towards the nearby mountain following the village line. He showed me the most beautiful views I could ever think of and I told him few tips of how the village can be developed. He praised me when my ideas worked and gifted me the rare sunflowers that are only grown on the mountains. Other than that I miss my old days few times I could say that I am happy here but mostly because of Adriel.
While I was getting ready for today’s dinner hoping to meet Adriel soon, Abey walked into my room. I turned to her asking if she is ready to head to dinner. She took a seat on my bed with a glum expression on her face. Me: ‘Are you okay?’ Abey: ‘Is something going on between you and leader Adriel?’ Me: ‘what do you mean?’ Abey: ‘I just went to bath and I heard woman talking about his engagement with Aquene. Apparently, they heard it from his mother. I saw you take walks with him few times and thought you are meant for each other.’ She looked at me for a response but I just stayed calm. I managed to maintain my face straight with no expression. She continued, ‘why aren’t you saying anything Amy?’. I just laughed saying, ‘Abey, we are just good friends. Where I came from its very common to be close friends with men. I’ll make sure to congratulate him today for his engagement. Now get up as we are getting late for dinner and I am starving.’ With that she stood up to go and her expression now looks a bit better than before and if she has seen my face now, she would have noticed a dark shadow.
Once we are at the dinner Abey went to help the woman with dinner preparation and I just stood there staring at the fire. May be its winter soon, the temperature is a bit cold now. I know that Adriel is walking towards me but I stood there reluctantly. He touched my shoulders and was surprised to see that I am not startled. He stood beside me and I didn’t bother greeting him. Adriel: ‘are you okay Hurit?’. I turned towards him and said, ‘Alo asked me if I am willing to marry him?’. Alo is the guy who work with Adriel. Adriel expression hardened, ‘So what did you tell him?’. Me: ‘I didn’t tell him anything yet but what’s your opinion on it?’ Adriel: ‘What can I say when its your heart what you should relay on?’ With that he went to being silent. I started walking away from the crowd towards the lake and after few minutes I could see him following me. Adriel: ‘so what’s your decision?’. Me: ‘I don’t know’ Adriel: ‘are you the same person who told me that you are afraid of being tied down under the name of marriage’ Me: ‘so what if I said that? Does that mean that I don’t have a right to change or that I don’t get lonely?’ Adriel: ‘so you are saying you are getting lonely and that is why you want to get married. May I know why the sudden change of your heart’. I could sense mockery in his voice. I increased my pace and we are now standing at the lake shore. We could still see each other even though its dark due to full moon.
Me: ‘why should I explain you? Is there an obligation between us where I need to explain my every move?’. He took a deep breath before speaking, ’you are talking too fast where I can only understand a few words’. I didn’t bother repeating my words again to him. I could sense that he is angry but as I am angry as well none of us spoke for few minutes. He took my hand into his hands and said, ‘Hurit, I love you and I couldn’t say this to you as you kept repeating to me that you don’t want to get married. I got attracted to you the moment I saw you and your eyes kept haunting me in my sleep. How could I ever explain how many sleepless nights I have spent thinking about you?’. Tears welled up in my eyes relieving all the pressure I felt for the past few hours in that very second. Adriel: ‘Are you okay Hurit? Did I say something that you don’t like?’ I just hugged him tight with all my strength. Me: ‘Then what are you going to do about your engagement with Aquene?’. He released me from his hug and looked into my eyes asking, ‘who told you that?’. I simply said ‘I have my sources’. Adriel: ‘I told my mother that it’s not happening as I want to marry someone else but I am surprised how the news reached you when it was discussed between close doors.’ Me: ‘you told me remember that this tribe is a family so there are no secrets between families. Right?’ He just laughed and hugged me again asking, ‘so, what’s your answer Hurit?’. Me: ‘Before I say anything. I want you to know that Alo has nothing to do with me. It is true that he did ask me if I am interested but I told him that I am in love with someone else’. Adriel again took me away from his embrace saying, ‘you are one strong lady who made a tribe’s leader go weak in his knees’ and started tickling me. our laughs had echoed in the night’s silence.
Adriel didn’t waste much time after that night. We got married within 5 days and Adriel’s mother asked him to take me to his ancestor’s temple as part of the wedding ritual. We started early the next day. By the time we reached the temple, me and Adriel were walking by holding our hands together. I suddenly stopped in the path looking at the temple. It was the same temple as in the excavation site. I couldn’t breath for few seconds and I could hear Adriel’s voice faintly asking if I am not feeling well. After few minutes I was back to normal. Adriel asked me what happened? Me: ‘do you believe me even if I say something that can’t be believed?’. He nodded his head assuring me to go ahead. I told him every single thing of how I worked as an Archaeologist, the temple and me following the tunnel. He listened to me completely and said, ‘I have been coming here from my childhood but I don’t know any tunnel you were talking about. But the rest of the details you were talking about the temple are precisely correct.’ He just stayed quiet for sometime and got up offering me a hand to get up. We went into the temple and Adriel followed me when I searched for the tunnel but I couldn’t find the high point nor the tunnel. While a part of me felt sad for not founding the tunnel, the major part of me was relieved for not giving me a situation to choose between my old life and Adriel. I hugged Adriel for few minutes before telling him that I couldn’t find the tunnel. Adriel: ‘as you have finished looking around the temple, should I show you something?’. I nodded curiously. He took me to the main temple and after the second door from the idol, he kneeled and removed a stone underneath revealing a space that looked like a safe. He took out few rock dolls from there saying, ‘this is my favourite place to hide stuff I like from my friends. I always used to hide here from my childhood’. We sat there talking for some more time and returned home later.
After 10 years:
Adriel came behind me when I am making bed for the kids. As usual I wasn’t startled when he asked me, ‘Hurit, how come I can’t scare you?’. I turned around saying ‘I am the wife of my tribe’s leader. It will be funny if I am not strong enough when I am married to a lionhearted leader.’ He started tickling me, I told him that the kids are about to come releasing myself from him. My 9-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son came in at the right time.
Life has been blissful with a wonderful husband and kids. Sometimes I wonder about my past life but these days all of those memories are vague.
I now go out myself to pick up the herbs, as usual that day I saw my husband out when he went out for hunting and kids are with their usual playmates. I came out to pick the herbs. I came to the same place where I was first found by the tribe. I laughed to myself looking at myself of how I got adapted here. Would I have believed if someone told me I would be living like this before? Perhaps a big fat no. As I was lost in my deep thoughts, I didn’t realise how far I came. When I realised, I might have come too far, I turned around to walk back but suddenly I turned back to find the tunnel in front of me. I couldn’t believe what I am seeing and looked around. I think it’s the same tunnel I have used to come here. I walked towards it and stood there at the entrance for few minutes.
At last I decided to take 10 steps into the tunnel to make sure if it is the same tunnel. 10 became few as I was seeing the same paintings just like I did 10 years ago and before I realised, I found the rope I untied myself from. I picked up the rope and as in trance I walked using it. After few minutes I came back to the entrance from inside the temple. I couldn’t believe what I am seeing, eventually I could feel I am dizzy and lost consciousness.
By the time I woke up, I am in my tent with a saline attached to my hands. I woke up abruptly thinking that Adriel and kids might be looking for me. I came outside the tent but was stopped by my senior, ‘Amy, are you okay?’. The same words Adriel used to ask me but its not his voice and not like how he calls me. I told my senior I need to go back. I kept repeating the same words with tears. My senior kept saying me to calm down and to take deep breaths. After few minutes of struggle, I sat down and asked, ‘how long have I been sleeping?’ Senior: ‘for 16 hours.’ The same period of the time I have slept when I went to the tribe. Me: ‘How many years has it been I went missing?’. With a confused expression my senior said, ‘what are you talking Amy? You went there to find the tunnel and after few hours we heard thudding sounds indicating fault displacement in the tunnel. Our damage control crew hurried there to rescue you but you were found unconscious at the entrance.’ With a startled expression I asked him, ‘what do you mean by fault displacement? Are you saying the tunnel has undergone some internal earthquake?’. Senior: ‘It’s exactly as you said. It’s very lucky you were outside the tunnel. We would have not been able to save you if you were in the tunnel.’ Me: ‘I need to go back. I need to go back to the temple right now.’ My senior understood that I am not going to listen to him anymore so he joined me back to the temple. Once I entered into the temple, I started running towards the tunnel but by the time I am there, the damage control team has plugged in the red flags not to enter the area. I didn’t even bother to stop for a second until I reached the entrance. I could see that the rocks have filled the tunnel blocking the view itself not only the path. I fell to my knees with tears not sure how to reach my Adriel and kids. I suddenly got up and ran towards the main temple.
I came to the exact second door from the idol of where Adriel showed me. I bent on my knees and removed the stone. I found the space and when I searched it, I found a letter and a locket. I quickly opened the letter:
My Love Hurit,
If you have found this letter then you are not only intelligent but also that you have gone back to your world. We have searched for you for months and eventually I realised you might have gone back just like how you came into our life’s suddenly.
Hurit, I promise you that I‘ll take care of the kids and help them to be brave just like their mother.
Amy, My Hurit, my wife, my first love I know you would have come back if there was a way for you to come back. Never ever regret your decision in walking back to your old life. I am just grateful to have you in my life even for a short while.
Hurit, I want you to go on with your life just like how you have done here and please do remember that I always love you.
The locket enclosed here is the victory symbol from the hunt I went on the day I have last seen you. I came home eagerly to place this on your neck but right now I would be very happy if it reached you.
Hurit, My brave girl, Live to the fullest
I love you…
Your true love, Adriel !
I collapsed to the ground holding the letter to my face, tears welling up in my eyes…