Note

it’s 2am now, hands of my clock clapped with huge responsibility to remind me of my absurd wakeup, nothing to blame her some science says just 21 days are enough to get habituated to a task where I made her look my barmy sleep cycle for years now. I think my rapid eye moment (REM) cycle is getting some support from my depressed psych to break its chain in less than 90 min. No teacher in my life ever taught me the relation between anxiety and stress, but like the saying ‘Old patient knows better than a new doctor’ I feel I’m qualified enough to say that there is some proportional relation between these invisible giants. Might be a nitric oxide medical theory or it is just my mental phantasm I never really bothered but grabbing a Cadbury to relax myself been a trusted prescription. Started feeling the palate for every dark bite with open eyes and jammed optic nerve watching the silence of city through my window. Right now, I want to imagine nothing and make my mind space as empty as roads on thunder nights. Meanwhile my Window is trying to give lecture showing stars in dark sky as example, saying shine with no care on surrounding lusters. ’Depression or weakness term it what you wish to’ yells my mind whenever I ask her reason for sticking to bed all time. Three slices of margherita pizza which I had an hour back made me feel no empty physically where my mental state is still struggling with ravenous.

Not any new, these symptoms of psychological malady took host in me and started chasing from the day I lost my faith in me. With all the superpower of overthinking that god gifted me specially, I figured PEACE is the ingredient that I am missing in my dishes all these days. In fact, it is missing to many of us but that’s okay! It is a lavish additive, most of us are really poor to add that to our lives. I wonder how people certainly formulate peace because I always ends up in confusion in defining that, sometimes I feel it as an indirect product of success and some other times I count it as an reward for patient mentality.

Oh! Damn I just realized it’s a lot of illogical talk, in fact I never wrote these many serious lines except for those fake leave letters in my school days. Okay! Now here is a serious point, I want to prove some famous inspirational personalities wrong about their ‘dreams it and make it true’ quotes. Let me do this by contradiction method, one day I was dreaming about giving a seminar to hundreds of people about letting go of failures in our way and people started laughing, on the other day I again dreamt of same seminar but this time people are not laughing for my failures but there are clapping for my spirit to withstand above all the odds. In both these conditions I and my failures are constants and I even make them true whereas the same people reactions are variants, now according to ‘dream it and make it true’ theory how can I make ‘people clapping for me’ come true where they already came true in ‘people laughing at me’ dream which happened first. So, as a luminary person particularly in failure sphere I hereby rephrases all the quote of dreams with term ‘Lucid dreams’ because these are dreams which gives you a chance to control, such that you will not dream the same about particular instance which in terms help you to make it true with no overlaps.

If you are an introvert and reading this, then I suggest you get any of your extrovert pal in line to get better understanding. As world phrases it is not that good to be an extrovert, I feel being in extrovert zone you never get any grain of positive support for your dropped shoulders but indeed you get some sarcastic tip-offs asking to maintain the same fake smile again. Yeah! I mean to say being an extrovert I never got any backing for my translucent pains and again that doesn’t mean I am stuck in any pathetic scenes. I earn enough for gifting my girlfriend a newly launched i-phone, with HB 15.6 grams per deciliter and 80-90 beats per minute fortunately all my vital organs are running perfectly with no causalities. Instead playing all kinds of roles perfectly in my life circus I sometimes left with no clue like the walker on the tightrope with emotions as the balancing stick in my hands and with people around applauding to surpass that instance.

There is no one individual in any individual, I suspect they are two, one who controls the person and second that who controlled by the person. Philosophically some say the same in terms of heart and mind, biologically they say voluntary and in-voluntary but practically the physical one is the only shape we see. I doubt that these two different individuals in an individual has different sleep, functional cycles. Among all these past year I spent in silence the individual in me whom I control was never active and it neither receive any kind of positive communicational signals from the around layers as it happens with ‘zone of silence’ in Mexico where the other individual which controls me was immensely active and hollers some enjoins like ‘end this and start fresh’ .so, I decided to hark that and wish to act in that way.

It’s 4am now, slight bit of sunlight will rouse the other individual which I control and may averts my decision again. ‘Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows’ said Michael landon. So, now at this moment I want to break all the suckles which are holding me back in starting the new life again, I want to breath out all the negative energy forever that I am taking in. I will be a recusant to this no peace offering entity. Every second that ends on writing your defeat note gives you a chance to write your victory epistle by beginning an other second. Peace laps are luring me by showing the gleeful paths. Swing in the hands of this exquisite destiny says my psyche. It may take a hell lot of pain in way to end all this, but I believe all that can be in held in my tight fist.

Damn! I again spoke a lot of groundless points here. Anyway, wish me to have some peace ahead.   GOODBYE