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The Unnecessary Confession

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She stood in the lobby of the law building of her former university and took a deep shuddering breath.

This was a mistake.

She should have never thought that she could go through with this .And why should she? Why should she open a door that had firmly closed three years ago?

Because you need to explain the reasons behind your actions. You need to tell him that you cared deeply for him so that you can get closure.

Sahil had been someone extremely important to you, you deserve that much.

She snorted at the thought, it was more likely that he would not talk to her again, like he had done in their first year at Elyssium University. Sighing ,she walked away from the staircase that led to the fourth year classrooms and made her way to the entrance, preparing to leave.

“Sakshi?”

The sudden voice from behind her made her freeze and she was thrown into a whirlwind of memories.

I like her.

He’s returned but he won’t be coming in the bus anymore.

She’s sick.

I’ve left the bus so she should understand.

Gripping the hem of the sleeve of her robe tightly ,she turned around to face the one person she had hoped that she would never see again.

“Soumya”. Her voice was cold and clipped as she spoke, her brown eyes devoid of any emotion. The last thing she wanted was to give away what she was she was feeling to someone who would use it against her.

“Didn’t you graduate? Why are you here?”

In the same clipped tone as before, she replied ,”We have our convocation today. I had to come.”

“Your convocation is in the law building? Isn’t it usually near Block A?”,skepticism clear in her voice .

Sakshi’s shoulders slumped and she sighed. She knew that Soumya wouldn’t leave her alone unless she told her exactly why she was there but she couldn’t tell her that she had come to see the person who had broken her heart when she wasn’t supposed to be aware that he hadn’t left.

“Well? Why are you really here?”

“I was hoping to -“

“Soumya! There you are. You need to go to Randhir sir’s office immediately. “

Sakshi could hear the rhythmic thumping of her heart in her ears ,her breathing quickening as she stared at the twenty two year old law student ,who had appeared from a corridor leading to the lobby, and a name escaped her lips unconsciously.

“Sahil.”

That was when he noticed the twenty four year standing in front of his friend and he looked at Soumya with panic in his eyes. She shrugged and said ,” Don’t look at me, I have no idea why she’s here”.

She looked thoughtfully at her for a moment before continuing.

“Though I have a feeling that she’s here to see you .”

“Did you tell her that I hadn’t left?”

‘I didn’t tell her anything. You should know me better than that Sahil. I wouldn’t say anything, least of all to her”.

“How did you know I was still here? In your last message, you had asked me to talk to you even though I was leaving. Who told you that I hadn’t ? Are you stalking me now?”

His questions made her flinch and she took a step back.
“Of course not!”

“Then how did you know he was here?”

Sakshi’s muscles tensed at Soumya’s question, she hadn’t been expecting the impromptu interrogation.

“I..found..out when someone I know saw you in the library and told me. Believe me, I wish I had never found out that you hadn’t left”. She stumbled over her words as she responded and winced internally. Could this day become any more nerve wracking?

” You knew I hadn’t left but you didn’t send me more messages ?”

“You already hated me. Your friends thought the worst of me. I mean nothing to you. I didn’t want to worsen things”.

“You’re here now”, he said pointedly.

“Because this is the end of my time at Elyssium. And I needed to talk to you before I left for good”.

“Whatever could you want to say to him after so long?”

“That’s something I think only he should know”.
Sakshi looked at Sahil whose eyes had widened ever so slightly and he started shaking his head.

“I have no interest in talking to you. It happened three years ago Sakshi, you should let it go. Soumya go. Randhir sir is waiting for you. I’ll get going too,Akash said he and need help with organising the degrees for the ceremony today”.

“Even though I don’t want to”, he grumbled under his breath.

“Please”.

Blood rushed to her cheeks as her voice cracked on the word and she inwardly groaned. She had promised herself to not give away how she felt but she had ended up doing it anyway.

Sahil froze at the desperation in her voice. Had he ever heard her being so vulnerable in person? He had only seen her when she had been angry but there was only one way to describe her tone at that very moment. Broken and desperate.

Nevertheless ,he wasn’t going to allow himself to be swayed by her words. He didn’t want to revisit the past, it was over and done with.

He turned his attention to Soumya who nodded and they started leaving.

No. No this couldn’t be happening a second time. He couldn’t leave a second time without her telling him everything.

” Please. Please just listen to me this once”. Sakshi found herself trembling as she spoke, she had come too far to go back without talking to him. For her own sake ,she had to finally tell him everything. Preferably without an audience though.

“Sahil”. Sahil glanced at Soumya who had stopped abruptly and something unsaid passed between the two of them. He let out a sigh ,this was probably going to be a huge mistake.

“Fine. But only because you said so. Now you better go”.

Turning back to look at Sakshi, he said,” Let’s talk. But you better make it quick”.

She breathed out a sigh of relief at his words, she had been sure that he would refuse and she would be left even more broken than before.

But then she frowned, he wanted to talk here? He might be used to telling everyone about every facet of his life, but she was a private person and was definitely not comfortable speaking to him in a place where strangers could hear their every word.

She shuffled uncomfortably , mumbling ,” Would it be possible to go somewhere more private?”

“Private?”

“If possible”.

He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration and Sakshi winced. Had I misspoken? Should I have never said anything? He had already agreed to listening to me, that was enough.

Hurriedly, she said,” It’s not necessary, we can just..”
Cutting her off ,he said,” I know a place. Follow me”.

Her eyes widened at his words, why was he being nice to her when he didn’t care about her? She stood rooted to the spot, millions of thoughts racing through her mind.

Is he pulling a fast one over me so that he can  he mock me later?

Nah,that wasn’t possible, he would have just told me what he was thinking,right?Right?

Then again, if he was still anything like what he had been in their first year, he wouldn’t.

“Well? Are you coming or not?”

She was startled out of her thoughts at his words. On noticing that he had already made his way to the staircase that led to the first floor, she took an involuntary step back, she should have paid more attention to her surroundings.

She walked to the stairs ,her eyes shuttering as she stood by him. He stared at her for a minute and she found herself shrinking under his gaze.

Why is he staring at me like that?

As they climbed the stairs, Sakshi found herself panicking, why had he looked at me  like that? Did he think I was weird? Maybe I  should just ask him what was wrong.

Taking a deep breath, she gathered the courage to ask , ‘Uh,did I do something wrong? Why were you staring at me like that ?’

He stopped for a moment, before continuing on.

So he wasn’t planning on giving me a response. Well, that was to be expec-

‘You’re different now’.

Sakshi stared at the back of his head and then sighed.

Of course I am different. Heartbreak does that to you.

‘How exactly?’

‘You’re-‘

‘Devoid of life?’, she supplied.

Well, I had been about to say that she seemed quieter but I guess lifeless works too.

They were quiet until they reached a classroom and Sahil entered a narrow door that led to a ledge that doubled as a balcony.

She glanced at it skeptically ,heights were her kryptonite and especially now, since they were so high up and the only thing keeping them from falling to their doom was a railing that seemed flimsy.

‘It’s completely safe Sakshi. I’ve been here before ‘.

Should I really be trusting his judgment?

Well if you don’t, how will you tell him what you need to say?

Letters exist.

Well I’m already here. Might as well get it over with.

Sighing, she stepped into the balcony ,grabbing the railing to support herself.

He stifled his chuckle at her actions as she glared at him.

‘So what did you want to tell me?’

She took a deep breath, steeling herself before she started speaking.

‘Three years ago, I told you that I liked you. But I didn’t merely like you, I loved you’.

His eyes widened ,Soumya had told him that she had read a comment somewhere where she had mentioned that she loved him ,but he didn’t realize that it had been the truth.

‘I’m sorry Sahil. I’m sorry for opening my heart to you. I’m sorry for being a burden you couldn’t get rid off back then. There were-‘.

‘Sakshi .I know’.

She whipped around to look at him, disbelief in her eyes. He had known? For how long? Why hadn’t he said anything?

Sakshi clamped down on the familiar anger that bubbled up and inhaled deeply.

He had known. He had known and he still hadn’t said anything. The guy was insufferable.

I can’t believe I wasted so much time on him.

‘How long have you known Sahil?’

He shifted uncomfortably, before mumbling underneath his breath ,’Two years?’

She grit her teeth ,clenching her hands into fists. Two years, two freaking years.

‘And it didn’t occur to you to even call me once?’

‘It was over Sakshi. What we had was dead. Why would I get in touch with you?’

Not like he hadn’t thought about it. But he had left Facebook. And he had thought that calling her suddenly would be weird, so he hadn’t .

But he couldn’t exactly tell her that. Even though being honest would probably have been better.

‘I see. I’m sorry for wasting your time Sahil’.

‘No need to-‘

She let go of the railing as she turned away from him ,getting ready to leave.

‘Don’t you have anything-‘

She paused for a moment, her hand resting on the doorframe. Then looked over her shoulder with a smile on her face.

‘Ah yes. Goodbye Sahil. I’m sorry we had the misfortune of meeting each other’.

With a flourish of her robes she walked out of the door, never turning back to look at him.

Sakshi made her way down the stairs, exiting the building. She stopped for a moment before looking up at the vivid blue sky, and then she lowered her gaze to look at the road in front of her, seeing her path clearly for the first time.

And this time, there would be no turning back.

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