I’m a boy. I’m 16 ongoing. I could actually be a psychologist writing this as a project and fooling you. But I’m not that. I could be a teenager like you, if you’re a teenager, reading this.
Unlike you I don’t know if I’m depressed or not! I’m not confused. I think I’m not depressed. But then like a serpent, it sometimes comes. I think that, all I’m doing, all this, living my life now, is it real? Am I broken inside with a pink plastic heart-cover on the outside. And this cover seems so real that I don’t know if I’m depressed or not.
I know that, sometimes, too extroverted people are beyond repair in the inside(not that I’m an extrovert). They just keep on doing it and they live on. But when the thin surface breaks, ahhhhhhh. It must be entertaining to see it! God I’m fuckin’ cruel. But I may be not. I have never experienced it firsthand, I may try my best to do something when it happens.
So here’s the story of what happens when I first experience this breaking. When an anxious extrovert breaks in front of me. When this serpent of a thought comes first time ever, ‘may I be also like this inside?’ Maybe. Maybe not. I flick this web from my mind.
Rahul is his name. He is my classmate since kindergarten. We’ve always been in same school, of course same grade and division.
But you know there are sometimes when even if you know a person for a very long time, you just remain a normal friend. It’s like ‘yeah I know him, he is my friend.’ That’s all you can say if somebody asks. Now this isn’t because we became friends actually, but we know each other for so long and not particularly dislike each other so ‘yeah you can call him friend’ type of friend he is. Isn’t this what cool people call those introverted childhood friends when talking to other cool people? Bull’s eye!
I came to know this fact after his breakdown. Rahul was actually once kidnapped when he was 11 years old for money. His family owns one of the biggest malls in delhi. This may be the reason for his kidnapping. The kidnappers’ hideout was found out by the police and he was saved.
The police and family asked if anyone hurt him. But he never told about the experience to anyone. He apparently didn’t even confirm the suspects. Later on though the suspects were found guilty from other evidences.
He never told this to anybody in the class too. We also never found out. We would’ve if just seen a newspaper. Teachers also kept quiet about it. But I faintly remember that around this time, maybe when he came back from all this, that he suddenly became very silent for a month. After that though, he started participating in the class more enthusiastically. And he never changed his way after.
Now how did he break? It’s surprising enough that he held it 5 years. And the more he would have held it the more it would have weighed. His family also never saw this coming of course. Who indeed try and look at the condition of lively person anyways?
It actually happened in the party. He was just as his usual cool and overly lively. Then he asked me to come with him outside to buy something. I was sitting on the corner of the sofa doing nothing anyways. So I joined him.
We were on th road walking. On the other side of the road an old man in his 50s was walking other way. Rahul while talking to me looked at him and froze. I walked further a step and loved back to see one of the most anxious faces I’ve ever seen live in flesh. He couldn’t move his muscle. The man looked at rahul for a moment. He also froze for a moment with anxiety and fear and then started runnig as fast as he could. I put my hand on his shoulder.
“What happened? Rahul, who was that? Do you know him?” I ask.
“No, I shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be here. He’ll kill me. No he won’t. He can’t. You’re with me. I’ll give you to him instead of me.”
“What are you talking about? Are you alright?”
“He ran. He ran right?
“Yes should I stop him?”
“No! nohhh, are you outta yr mind? No fuck.”
“Who was he? Never mind. Let’s go back for now, ok? Okay?”
“ He won’t kidnap me again right?” He is not shivering he’s vibrating. “ Go back? Yeah that’s better go back to my house. Not party. You, you are coming too. Or he’ll come for me again.”
“ Hmm, should I get someone else too?” I wanna rid myself of him I admit.
“No, no, only you. You know where I live, na?”
“Yeah. But what about your car?”
“You have yours. Take me by that I’ll send someone else later. That’s not important let’s go now.”
He with my help comes at my car in the lot. Sahil is here.
“Yo. Let’s go I’m bored of this, rahul.” He looks at shivering rahul .
“What happened to him?”
“I don’t know, he saw someone and now is like this. Help me get him home. He seems not in proper mind.”
“ I can’t. I can’t actually, I gotta go drop sana her home. You take him. Ok?”
He is lying ofcourse. Well I didn’t expect from him anything anyways, he was just Rahul’s Lackey for status. I don’t like both of these much but it’s situation I can’t flee from. I’m too deep in this mud. Now a psychological reassessment can maybe conclude that it’s just me denying that I actually want to help him. But belive me it’s not.
I may even wanna see what happens next. I’m always a curious person.
I won’t much explain in detail. But he broke. He told how he tried to suppress it. He didn’t want to look pathetic. (He succeeded in it) for first half an hour, he got disturbed by small sounds. He thought that that man is coming. I bluntly put it. Nobody’s coming. He told all what I’ve told you. How he thought that he will forget it, if he keeps up, but it isn’t. He gets anxiety attacks, but doesn’t tell anyone so. And on and on and on.
That’s how it is. So that’s it for this story about how a superficially extroverted person, broken inside broke.